So Come Back, I Am Waiting: Where Have I Been?

There have been no new posts on major label debut in over six months. Why? To keep details to a minimum,  I took a new job in New York City without much notice, moved in early April, and have been living in Brooklyn ever since. I’ve been busy working, exploring, drinking, and doing the most cliché hipster activities that you can imagine, which has made my sarcasm and inability to take anything seriously reach their climax. Even so, I have somehow finally have found enough balance to be creative and patient at the same time, so there will be several posts per week from this point on.

Anyway.

Since April, I’ve been lucky enough to see shows of bands that sparsely tour and were never possible to see in Minneapolis, where I had lived for the last five years. Here are some highlights:

1. Jarvis Cocker, former leader of Pulp, at Music Hall of Williamsburg was the biggest highlight. He is my hero, and not because he handled his microphone more phallically than Karen O.

Jarvis Cocker at Music Hall, July 30, 2009. By Chris Laputt for BrooklynVegan.

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2. The first US shows in three years from The Legends at the Bell House and at Santos Party House. I had to go by myself and there was barely anyone at either night. However, there was a really, really short photographer at Santos, and he scurried away to the bar in the middle of the show, returning seconds later with a stool. He placed directly in front of Johan Angergård, climbed his way to the top and then snapped pictures for several minutes, mere inches from Johan’s face. I laughed uncontrollably even though I was alone, and this attracted several awkward stares, which are always tiny victories that I cherish and keep to myself.

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3. I’ve seen San Francisco’s GIRLS four times in the last two months. Their debut LP, Album, will be released on September 22, and it is going to get very good reviews. I’m calling Best New Music, even though I like to avoid thinking in that vein. I’m willing to bet on it, so leave a comment if you want. This can be a fun new game called Hipster Horserace.

GIRLS at Mercury Lounge, June 25, 2009. Photo by Fresh Bread for BrooklynVegan.com.

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4. Previously on Lost, who play songs based on episodes of Lost and they’re actually good. They also start off every show by destroying a giant cardboard airplane.

Previously on Lost at The Bell House. Photo by willtradebikeforwomen.

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5. The Homosexuals opening for Monotonix at Club Europa in Greenpoint.

The Homosexuals at Club Europa, May 19, 2009. Photo by Joe Holmes.

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6. Handsome Furs two nights in a row. I ruptured my right eardrum the second night. There was blood, itching, and pain the next day, and messed it up again a few weeks later at Death by Audio during a Shilpa Ray show.

Handsome Furs at Bowery on July 8, 2009. By Alex Reside for BrooklynVegan.com.

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7. Several Blank Dogs shows, who rarely leave NYC and only started performing live in 2009 after years of releasing records. They’ve added an attractive female keyboard player since the last time I saw them, which finally gives me something to look forward in my life if I see them again.

Blank Dogs at Music Hall of Williamsburg on May 20, 2009. By Lori Bali for BrooklynVegan.com

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* “So Come Back, I Am Waiting” is a sad song for sad-sacks by the sometimes sad Okkervil River from their sad 2005 album, Black Sheep Boy, which is one of my favorite (sad) albums of this decade. I used to listen to it all the time, even when I wasn’t sad, but then it made me too sad eventually, especially because of the sad and desperate final lines after the sad horn bridge section at the end. Try it. Sad? Sad.

What Song Would You Play at a Funeral (For Your Favorite Snack Food)?

I received some bad news today. It started when I got hungry in my cube at work today, and I reflected on last winter, when I kept an abundance of various snacks in my desk drawer, including about 10 Clif Bars in there at all times. Because I desired a distraction, I started an (online) conversation with a friend about Clif Bars, and he suggested that I eat as many as I can because they contain peanut oil, and I could possibly get salmonella poisoning and an accompanying $500,000 payout to go with the three days of agony that would result. Most of the peanut products have been recalled, but products with smaller amounts (like Clif Bars) were still on shelves. It seemed like a good idea.

I started thinking even harder about Clif Bars and decided I should try to pick some up on the way home from work to get going on the salmonella idea as fast as possible, and I started to think about my favorite flavors: Banana Nut Bread, Carrot Cake, and Cookies ‘n Cream. I then realized I hadn’t bought a Clif Bar in a few months, and holy shit, maybe there was a new flavor or two.

I went to the Clif Bar website, and instead of discovering a new flavor, I found the opposite: a missing, discontinued flavor. This Clif asshole did it to Lemon Poppyseed two years ago, spared nasty flavors like Apricot and Blueberry Crunch, and this time, he axed COOKIES ‘N CREAM.

This has happened way too often in my lifetime, and the moral of the story, obviously, is that nothing good can last. Here are some other tragedies that deeply affect me to this day:

 

I miss you, Starfruit Gatorade. Your emptiness in this photo resembles my soul after you died.

 

WTF Trader Joe’s? Can’t find these anymore, and don’t make me bring up the disappearance of the Dried Cinnamon Apple Rings. I’m kinda mad at you and don’t think I’ll come by anymore. I’ll buy my Clif Bars elsewhere now (BUT NOT COOKIES ‘N CREAM).

So this post isn’t related to music…..yet. I’ve been lucky for the last six or seven years, and haven’t had to attend a funeral or mourn the death of anyone close to me. The loss of these food items is probably the closest thing that I can think of (my 15 year old parakeet that died during the 2009 Super Bowl doesn’t count because he was an asshole).

I need closure. I’m not religious, so the only thing left to do is to play a song to set them free. This isn’t an easy task, and it makes me think about how I would like to be remembered at my death party (no funeral please, just lots of drinks and a playlist that I will have preselected in my will). I wouldn’t play anything sad, unless it was something ironic like Sarah McLachlan or a Jonas Brothers b-side (do they have sad songs, or even b-sides?). Something that personal is suitable for an entirely different blog post, so I need to concentrate on setting my lost snack foods free.

I think it’s important to think about the past and the beginning of your relationship with a snack/person when it’s time for closure, rather than the end. Also, when picking a funeral song, I think it’s important to accept the fact that the lyrics don’t have to literally apply, or even the overall meaning of the song. Maybe a phrase, a title, or a chorus verse is just enough to flash memories through the mind. I think I have the right song, even though it’s about sex and affairs.

In all honesty, I really just wanted to post this video with a sentence or two, but I got a bit carried away with snack foods because I don’t want to do my dishes. Anyway, “Do You Remember the First Time?” is an underrated song from the underrated Pulp, who are one of my favorites and who I wish everyone could be familiar with. 

RIP Cookies ‘n Cream Clif Bar.

RIP Starfruit Gatorade.

RIP Trader Joe’s Thai Lime & Chili Cashews.

I remember the first time. Miss you.

Why Do I Have Schoolboy Crushes on Female Musicians Who Are Pale, Skinny, and/or Have Dark Brown Hair and Eyes?

I like music. I mostly like myself (except when I’m hungover). I like females (unless they don’t like beer or fun). Therefore, solely by association, I guess it makes sense that I am quick to fall for female rock starlets who share some of my own physical characteristics. Here are some examples (note: I had a nasty migraine today and my brain is mush as a result, so this is all just a giant excuse to not have to write much):

 

Name: Victoria Bergsman

Musical Projects: Taken by Trees (current), The Concretes (former singer)

Crushed on since: Fall 2004

Physical Traits She Shares with Me: Pale, skinny, dark brown hair, dark eyes, likes karate chops

BONUS INFO!: Bergsman writes really, really, really sad songs that make me like her solely for the fact that she might just need a giant hug and/or a non-abusive relationship, and perhaps I could provide such things…if I wasn’t a volatile, immature, single young male.

 

Name: Julie Budet

Musical Projects: Yelle (current)

Crushed on since: Summer 2008

Physical Traits She Shares with Me: Pale, skinny, dark brown hair, dark eyes, sponsored by Reebok

BONUS INFO!: Yelle is French, which turns her “up to 11″ for me, and she crafts insanely catchy electropop dance songs that I like to listen to on repeat while drinking, when my attention span is even shorter than normal.

 

Name: Justine Frischmann

Musical Projects: Elastica (former singer/guitarist), Suede (former guitarist)

Crushed on since: Spring 2008

Physical Traits She Shares with Me: Skinny, dark brown hair, dark eyes, pulls hair to cope with stress and/or migraines

BONUS INFO!: Frischmann wins points simply by being a key part of the mid-90′s Britpop movement with the highly underrated (at least in the US) Elastica. She also dated Damon Albarn of Blur. Unfortunately, I think she’s old now, so I guess I just have a crush on the past existence of someone I’ve never met. Makes me feel shallow/lonely/awesome/cold/confused/happy.

 

Name: Alice Glass

Musical Projects: Crystal Castles (current singer)

Crushed on since: Spring 2008

Physical Traits She Shares with Me: Pale, skinny, dark brown hair, dark eyes, enjoys black jackets, doesn’t get much sleep, dances awkwardly

BONUS INFO!: Glass has that batshit crazy appeal that usually leads to nothing but trouble. However, it’s still hilarious to think about, especially because in the end, being associated with her would probably end with bruises, debt, creative new dance moves, and a stint in rehab.

 

Name: Carrie Brownstein

Musical Projects: Sleater-Kinney (former lead guitar/backup singer)

Crushed on since: Summer 2005

Physical Traits She Shares with Me: Pale, skinny, dark brown hair, dark eyes, likes to high kick, and sometimes smiles

BONUS INFO!: Brownstein is an extremely skilled guitar player and soloist, and uses some fucking kickass effects for reverse delay guitar solos, etc., which I’m always a sucker for. Also, when she started to lend more lead vocals on Sleater-Kinney’s 2005 swan song, The Woods (my favorite album of 2005), I started to notice that she might have pulled her stylings from Elastica’s Justine Frischmann, who of course is also on this list. Also, Brownstein is fucking hilarious, has a noteworthy blog, and now has a mini webshow, ThunderAnt, with SNL cast member and former Trenchmouth drummer, Fred Armisen. Here’s a video from them:

Me and My 9-year-old Former Self Review the New Handsome Furs Album

Me: There’s no doubt that I had really high standards of Face Control before I even heard it, and this was for two reasons: first, Handsome Furs’ debut, Plague Park, was my favorite album of 2007. Second, when I saw Handsome Furs last fall, they played almost all new songs from this album, and they fucking killed it, making me forget that I mostly wanted to hear my old (is 2007 old?) favorites. Plus, the tastefully tacky cover art was pretty reassuring.

9-year-old Me: That dog looks really scary. I’m going to draw a picture of it.

Me: Yeah, sure….um? Anyway, while Face Control does revolve around the same moodiness (anger, indifference, desparation, hesitance, semi-hope, non-smiles) as their debut, it manages to find a more consistent sound for the Furs, and its one that I didn’t really expect. Dan Boeckner’s vocals are louder, grittier, and more yelpy. There are more guitar solos and riffs (“I’m Confused”, “Talking Hotel Arbat Blues”), which are heavy on bite and distortion. While the synthesizer still takes a backseat ride for the most part, Alexei Perry lays heavier, louder, and more complex beats.

Within this, a heavy influence come out, and overall, the sound can best be pegged as a more punk, angsty, and guitar-driven New Order (see the “Temptation”-apeing “All We Want, Baby, Is Everything” for the best example), which I would never expected based on Plague Park. Luckily, I fucking adore New Order and never would have predicted their more clean, preppy image and sound to have an impact on Boeckner’s gritty and rural appearance and sound.

9-year-old Me: This sounds like Green Day + Smashing Pumpkins + Bush.

Me: Okay, whatever, just keep drawing your picture. You have a long way to go. You’ll show some promise in middle school by listening to Daft Punk and Chemical Brothers, but you won’t even realize how special they are, and you’ll start listening to Dave Matthews Band at the same time. It’s really confusing to me, but not as confusing as in high school when you still somehow liked Dave Matthews Band while enjoying Neutral Milk Hotel and Belle & Sebastian. You are a breathing, future paradox of mixed taste, you little shit.

9-year-old Me: But I like this! It rocks.

Me: That’s awesome. I really like it also. It’s hard to say if it will hold the same place in my heart as Plague Park, but it took me a year to realize I was in love with that album. I’m not sure how much depth there is to this yet, but between this and the new Animal Collective, 2009 is shaping up to be a pretty epic year so far. I’m sure there will be a new Sunset Rubdown from Boeckner’s Wolf Parade co-leader, Spencer Krug, and I’m interested to see if he can win me over from my recent leanings towards Boeckner’s gritty pop rock.

9-year-old Me: You are a huge dork.

Me: Yeah, well you have a lame haircut because your mom and dad are really conservative about appearance, even though they’re chill and cool about most other things.

9-year-old Me: I want a mohawk. LOOK! I’m done with my picture:

 

Me: Wow, apparently we still have the same sense of humor, you literal-minded little Microsoft Paint genius.

 

Handsome Furs “Talking Hotel Arbat Blues” (download)

This post is ambient.